May 24, 2011

I was thinking the other day that it has been five months since Grayson's transplant. I started thinking for a moment about that day and the events that took place and was immediately overwhelmed. I think that I am someone who has a fairly good memory but sometimes I am thankful that God does not allow me to remember everything or every detail. I am so thankful that God gave me the grace and the focus to get through that situation and that he continues to give me the grace each day to deal with the aftermath of having a very sick child.

I haven't written on this blog in a while because my baby and three year old keep me very occupied all day long and to be honest it forces me to think about the days when this blog was an outlet for my fears and prayer requests that I don't want to have to think about right now. I tell myself that we are through that part now and I don't want to look back because it is terribly depressing, but at the same time looking back refreshes my appreciation for the many blessings in my life. I was reminded of that tonight. I went to a MOPS night out with some wonderful women. MOPS stands for Mothers of Pre-Schoolers and this was a group of woman that was just an awesome support for me during the long hospital days. Anyway, tonight when we got together there were two new women there that I had never met and we were talking and I shared with them briefly about Grayson and one of the woman spoke up and shared that she had had a hard three years where she lost both parents and her husband within a 3 year period. She said that after her mom died she had found a Gratitude Journal and she decided to start one herself. She shared that she writes 5 things she grateful for at the end of every day. Sometimes when you go through something dark it is so easy to ask "Why Me?" or focus on what you no longer have, but God calls us to do the opposite. To sing praises no matter what the situation, no matter what the loss or the trial. I really liked her idea of a gratitude journal so I am going to start tonight on this blog writing 5 things I am grateful for.

1. My baby Grayson is alive and here and I am thankful that we started the month long weaning process off of his immune suppressants.
2. My husband's sense of humor. He lovingly teases me and can make me laugh at myself.
3. Gavin wanted to cuddle with me today and that is rare anymore. I am so thankful that he wanted me to hold him tight and it felt so good.
4. Mason had a travel soccer team tryout tonight and the coaches told him he had power and accuracy behind his shots. He was beaming with pride and I was grateful to share in that moment with him.
5. I am thankful for my MOPS girlfriends and MOPS night out. Thankful that they put up with my non-stop talking because once I start I can't seem to stop.

I have a pretty journal that I was given that I will use for my gratitude journal but thought the idea should be passed on. Life is hard. We live in a fallen world where there is sin and sadness and it is easy to get sucked into that darkness and forget the blessings that are right in front of us. Lately when I get upset or angry I look at the object or person and say to myself if that person or thing weren't here right now would I miss what I am upset? I hope that is encouraging to you who are still reading.

Please continue to pray for my little peanut that the long-term effects of the chemo will be non-existent and that he will stay leukemia free!!! His next bone marrow test will be on around June 22. He has started to wean off his Tacro (immune-suppressant) which is preventing him from having Graft versus Host. The doctors are hoping that Gavin's cells have had enough time to engraft and will no longer see Grayson's body or organs as foreign. Please pray this month that while we wean off the Tacro there will be no Graft v. Host flare ups. Thank you all again for your continued love for my family through prayers.